Friday, December 16, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural, Reader Question Response #4

Today my Mythology of Supernatural response is not exactly answering a question, but instead is my response to a rather disconcerting article that one of my readers recently brought to my attention (thanks for that, by the way, Joseph). The author of this article claims to be using my book The Mythology of Supernatural, as a source for one of his statements (full article is here…but I warn you it is rather offensive:

More or less, the author of this article goes on a rant against the evils the Roman Catholic Church and the “demonic” practices of “pagans” in relation to the celebration of Halloween.

Of course... Pagans, as we all know, are the members of a motorcycle gang. Hahaha

No, in all seriousness, the word Pagan originally just meant “country folk” and was used to refer to rural people in areas of the Roman Empire who still practiced the “old religions” … which meant anything that wasn’t Christianity. The church eventually labeled such religions as “witchcraft” and/or “demon worship,” which eventually led to the word “pagan” being associated with such things.

To be honest, I am usually fine with letting people spout off their own personal forms of crazy on the internets ... but not when they are taking something I wrote and citing and/or paraphrasing it in a misleading way, as the author of this article seems to have done. Because, aside from the handful of historical facts he got right, nothing I believe or have written in any way supports anything the author of this article (who is apparently a creationist) believes or has written.

The below excerpt from the article, though short, REALLY gets on my nerves:
(Note: Some claim Samhain to be a pagan god, but pagan cultists say this is incorrect--
Samhain is a demon summoned by a warlock long ago.)
(See Nathan R. Brown, The Mythology of Supernatural, published Penguin, 2011,
ISBN: 9780425241370)

First of all, I can’t even figure out which part of the above statement the author is claiming to be citing from my book. The Mythology of Supernatural certainly does have a section on Samhain. However, aside from speaking about the CHARACTER ON the SHOW, the book does NOT claim Samhain is a “pagan god”… nor does it claim that Samhain is a “demon summoned by a warlock long ago.” However, the way the author presents the citation, it almost seems as if he is claiming my book supports his statement. I can assure you, it does NOT.

In fact, my book does the exact OPPOSITE. My section on Samhain in The Mythology of Supernatural explains how the word refers to the “end of summer,” and that early incorrect documentation of certain seasonal festivals led to the mistaken belief that Samhain was a god that was being worshipped at these events.

And where in the farfegnugen is he getting this craziness about Samhain being a “demon summoned by a warlock long ago”? It certainly did not come from my book.

Soooo…what could possibly be his source of info for making the claim that a “warlock long ago” summoned a demon named Samhain? Did he get that from The Lord of the Rings?

Better yet, what exactly does he mean by “long ago”? That could be ANY length of time, dpeending on how you look at it. I consider five years to be "long ago." So...what was it? 10 years ago? 100 years? A millennium? Come on, man, at least be specific with your crazy.

The only semi-reasonable conclusion I have been able to take away from this odd citation is that the author believes me to be a “pagan cultist.” I find this both interesting, odd, and (perhaps most importantly) incorrect ... since I do NOT subscribe to any organized religion, "pagan" or otherwise.

I DO, however, believe in God.

Yes, despite not having a religion I believe in God … but over a decade ago I chose to just leave organized human religions out of the relationship (a belief system which I have found, strangely enough, seems to make overly religious people even angrier than if I'd told them I was an atheist).

Well ... if choosing my own path to God makes me a “pagan cultist” ... then so be it, chuckles.

Mr. Christopher Johnson (a.k.a. author of the original article), I don’t appreciate you trying to stick my crazy in your crazy. Seriously ... leave my peanut butter out of your chocolate, dude. And, while you're at it, learn to properly quote/paraphrase your source citations if you are going to use them in your articles.

Trust me, sir ... you don’t want to go down this road with me.

UPDATE: I recently tried to take another look at the original article and it would appear that Mr. Johnson, after learning that the cat was out of the bag, decided to completely edit/revise the section I discuss in the above blog post. He removed the citation of my book, and revised the part about Samhain being a "demon." The article now says that the word Samhain, as I have explained, just means "end of summer" (though he cites a completely different source for this info). In addition, he now claims that "neo-pagans" celebrate a "demonic aspect" of Samhain, and offers what he claims to be a flyer from a "Samhain festival" as evidence ... unfortunately, the flyer is actually for an all ages punk show, featuring the band Samhain. I swear ... this guy really needs to learn how to properly conduct his research.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural, Update #5: Bobby Singer as a Modern-Day Merlin

This week the Mythology of Supernatural update is in honor of the great-but-hopefully-not-late Bobby Singer.

I hesitate to say that I have a “favorite character” on Supernatural. However, if I had to choose, Bobby Singer would definitely be at the top of the list. What can I say? I’m a sucker for warrior scholars…and Bobby definitely qualifies. So, if it turns out that this truly is the end for our beloved hero, I will be very sad to see him go. And, if it is, I do hope that Bobby is allowed a “good death,” a warrior’s death, by the writers … that he will go down swinging, in a manner befitting such an awesome character.

Like many of you, I was a bit of an emotional wreck by the end of the last Supernatural episode, “Death’s Door.” And it would appear that we will all be left hanging as to Bobby’s true fate until the blissful end of hellatus. I fear that this time, hellatus is going to feel even longer than usual.

Today's update is actually a brief excerpt from my book, The Mythology of Supernatural, from a section in which I discuss Bobby Singer as a modern-day Merlin and as an archetype of the mentor/teacher in mythology:

In mythology, nearly every hero with an absentee father is blessed with a mentor who acts in his stead. King Arthur had the counsel and tutelage of the wise sage Merlin. The Greek hero Jason in taught by Chiron. In the myths of the Celts, the hero Cormac is taught by Lugna, a friend of his late father, while in Vedic/Hindu myths, the hero prince Arjuna (from the Mahabharata epic) is taught by the god Indra. These figures are referred to in mythology as the “special teacher/mentor” archetype.

The archetype of “special teacher/mentor” has a number of common traits. The special teacher/mentor:

• Has some relationship or kinship with the hero’s late or absent father. Merlin, for example, counseled Arthur’s biological father, Uther Pendragon.
• Is of senior age, often portrayed as at least middle-aged for the time period in which the story was set (life expectancy differs from one age to the next).
• Possesses special knowledge, skills, equipment, and wisdom that the hero needs in order to succeed. Merlin educated Arthur in ethics, strategy, and politics; Indra gave magical weapons and combat training to Arjuna.
• Protects the hero from harm when he is defenseless, especially during infancy, and at times harshly scolds the hero for foolish or irresponsible behavior. Lugna hid and protected the child Cormac; Merlin often scolded Arthur for his poor judgment)

The archetype of the “special teacher/mentor” is most commonly seen in myths that deal with the “return of the lost heir/king” theme, in which the child of a murdered or usurped ruler returns to claim his birthright. Due to the fact that the fathers of these exiled heroes and kings-to-be are usually absent, the presence of special teachers/mentors is necessary in order to validate their returns. After all, they would not be qualified to rule had they not received the proper training and education befitting a ruler/king. Basically, such “special teacher/mentor” figures allow the heir to return by schooling them in practices that are normally the responsibility of a father. For Sam and Dean Winchester, this figure is undoubtedly Bobby Singer.

Bobby Singer exhibits nearly all of the common traits of this archetypal figure:
• Despite pulling a shotgun on the man once, Bobby was a friend of John Winchester.
• Bobby Singer is middle-aged, and is in fact much older than the hunters that are usually portrayed on the show.
• Bobby is a walking encyclopedia on all things supernatural, has an extensive library of rare texts, and is fluent in a number of languages (English, Latin, and Japanese, to name just a few.)
• When their father is missing and they need help, the Winchester brothers go to Bobby Singer. Bobby’s home also serves as a common sanctuary for the boys, such as when Sam had to dry out from his addiction to demon blood and Bobby & Dean had to lock him in Bobby's uber-awesome “demon panic room.”

The Winchesters need a mentor like Bobby, a man willing to stand beside them in the face of oblivion.

And Bobby has certainly proven his willingness to do just that ... time and time again. And hopefully he will continue to do so in the future.

God speed, Bobby Singer. I know that over the next few weeks, many Supernatural fans will be praying that you find your way back from the spirit realm.

Well folks...that's the update for this week. I will try to post a few reader question responses during hellatus. So...if you have a question about the book, mythology, etc. ... this is the time to ask. Questions may be posted in the blog comments, sent to me via twitter (NatRBrown), or posted in the "Discussions" section of my Amazon page (

Hope everyone has a great holiday!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

My Story of What it is to be Truly Thankful!

So… I admit this post is a little late. But I am telling this story anyway, because I think it perfectly illustrates what I consider to be a VERY important point. So deal with it.

As I am sure most of you are aware, we here in the U.S. celebrated Thanksgiving last week. Thanksgiving, by the way, and no matter what anyone may try to tell you, is NOT a religious holiday. I recently came to the shocking (and somewhat disturbing) realization that there are a number of Americans who live under the mistaken idea that Thanksgiving is somehow tied to Christmas… it is NOT … so … just wanted to set the record straight. Because last week I heard a guy at a local convenience store, after the clerk behind the counter told him that he was working on Thanksgiving, reply with “Man, I would NEVER do that. That’s against my RELIGION.” What religion might that be? Are you a Puritan?

But I digress… as this is not the story I am here to tell.

Every Thanksgiving, I listen to people rattle off lists of stuff for which they are thankful. I it usually runs along the same general guidelines: family, home, food, healthy children, a loving spouse, blah, blah, blah. I mean, I am not being critical. There is certainly nothing wrong with being thankful for what you have.

HOWEVER, every Thanksgiving I eventually get asked the question “What are you thankful for, Nathan?”

My answer usually confuses people at first: “I am thankful that I once met a young farm-boy whose name I can’t even remember, who was from some town in West Texas I’d never heard of, when I went to Marine Corps boot camp.”

Usually, this answer provokes any number of new questions, but these are usually just different ways of asking me “Why?”

The story I tell to answer this question is one that often comes to my mind at those times when I find myself upset about feeling like I do not having enough money, or in those rare moments when I catch myself wanting to whine about something I want but can’t afford (note that I said want …not need).

This is a 100% true story, one I seem to tell to at least a few people every year around Thanksgiving:

I first met the young farm boy when I, along with a group of about 5 other new recruits, were leaving the Dallas processing station for the airport to board a plane to the Marine Corps boot camp at MCRD in San Diego, CA. He was among them. I often refer to him as “Huey,” though I must admit that I do not remember his real name, mainly because when I first saw him the way he looked brought to mind the old “Baby Huey” cartoon character (for those of you who don’t know what “Baby Huey” is/was, you can Google it) … regrettably, I don’t know that I ever bothered to ask a name of him. I wish I had, because I doubt he will ever realize the impact that he had on my life.

Anyway…it would be an understatement to say that Huey “stuck out” from the group. First of all, he was ENORMOUS. He stood at least 6-foot-5-inches tall, and was nearly as thick. His shoulders were almost inhumanly broad. Even under his layer of chub, you could tell that he had some serious muscle power behind his size. He wasn’t fat … he was just REALLY BIG.

But it wasn’t just his size that made him stick out (though that alone probably would have been enough). He wore a ratty, baggy old pair of nearly threadbare denim overalls … and that’s it. No undershirt. No hair (to be honest I couldn’t tell if he’d already shaved his head or if he was just actually bald). Not even socks... well, he didn’t exactly have shoes on, anyway. Unless you count the pair of cheap flip-flops strapped to his feet, which looked like they had been repaired more than a few times with generous amounts of duct-tape. The flimsy foam soles were the only thing between his feet and the bare ground. And, to top it all off, in his mouth he held a piece of wheat. Seriously… Huey could have stepped right off the set of a community theater production of The Grapes of Wrath.

As we were being driven to the airport, I actually asked him about his clothes …more out of concern for how the drill instructors were going to react than out of curiosity (showing up to boot camp looking like a hayseed plowboy was a sure-fire way to provoke more than a few choice insults from Drill Instructors, I knew).

“These are work clothes,” he said with a tone of pride, and not a hint of shame to be found in his voice. “Why would I muck up a pair of my nice clothes when they're just gonna slap a uniform on us when we get there, anyway?”

I have to admit… I could not argue with his logic. So I dropped the subject.

I remember that some of the guys in our group had a laugh about the way Huey was dressed as soon as he left to find a bathroom when we first arrived at the airport. At least now I knew who the cowards among us were. These guys would never have had the balls to scoff at Huey’s appearance when he could actually hear them.

When Huey came back, he was proudly brandishing a newly bought pack of Marlboro’s and the piece of wheat that had dangled from his mouth was now replaced by a bright red piece of licorice.

“They’ve got a store in there,” he announced to everyone, as if none of us knew there were conveience stores in airports. The tone in his voice reminded me of a little kid who just found out there's a 'bouncy house' at a birthday party. “My Papa gave me five dollars when I left. Just enough for some smokes and a piece of candy. Never had my own pack a smokes.”

He broke open the cigarettes, and only then realized that he didn’t buy anything to light them with. I offered him my lighter and he took a long, happy draw of smoke. As he exhaled, he explained, “Papa usually shares one of his smokes with me once the day is done.”

About an hour and way too many cigarettes later, Huey’s facial expressions started to betray hints of anxiety and anticipation. His mood went from happy to excited to antsy and back again. And I could tell that he was doing all he could not to make it obvious...though he was failing miserably.

“Wish we didn’t have to wait so long,” He said, at first to no one in particular. Then he turned to me. “I never been on a plane before. You?”

“Twice,” I told him. “Back when I was in school. But it’s been a year or two.”

“I’ll bet it’s great to be up there,” he said, his eyes drifting off to the sky as a wide grin drew across his big round cheeks.

Once we got to the Recruit Depot and began processing in, I found myself assigned to a different platoon than Huey. I would not see him again for several weeks, on the day that both our platoons were going through supply in order to be fitted for our first issue of combat boots. Even now, that moment is among my most vivid memories.

I was handed several pairs of boots by a supply clerk (despite the fact that I insisted I wore a 10 ½ Wide, which I knew well after having spent years in both the Naval Sea Cadet Corps and Military School), and was firmly told to grab a spot on one of the benches outside. I was told that I had to try on all three pairs so that I could choose the ones that fit best. I accepted the situation, grabbed a spot on a red wooden bench outside, opened the first box of boots, and began lacing one up. As I leaned forward to pull on the boot, I noticed one humungous boot-clad foot on the ground in front of me.

Sitting at the bench directly across from me was Huey, trying on his boots. I started to say something to him, but the words caught in my throat as he lifted his face where I could see it. His cheeks were so flushed that at first I thought he was sunburned. Then he looked directly into my eyes and I saw a torrential stream of tears flowing down his big, round face.

“Hey man,” I said to him gently, genuinely concerned at seeing this gigantic guy suddenly bawling like a baby. “You okay? Don’t worry, the homesickness gets better after awhile. I promise.”

“No,” he said, sniffling and wiping his tearstrewn face on his BDU sleeve. “Did you know that we get to KEEP THESE?” (I always get choked up when I tell this part… I just can’t help myself).

“Keep what? The boots?”

“Yeah,” he replied, letting out what sounded like a sigh of relief…or maybe it was satisfaction I heard. “I never had my own new pair of boots.” And then Huey let forth with yet another fountain of sobs and tears as he said, “Even all these clothes is brand new…took ‘em right out of the plastic and everything. I just never been given so much new stuff before.”

“Well,” I told him. “Now you have.”

As we tried on boots together, Huey finally got a grip on his emotions and proceeded to tell me as much about himself as a human being can in about 15 minutes.

Huey, I learned, was the second-youngest of 9 children (yep, you read that right…NINE). His family owned and operated a farm in some little town in West Texas. His entire life, Huey explained to me, every bit of clothing he’d ever had were hand-me-downs from his older siblings: shirts, shoes, pants, and even his “Sunday clothes.” Not once in his entire life had he ever been the owner of a single piece of new clothing.

“Remember those overalls I was wearin’?” He asked me. I nodded. “Those were the old work clothes my Papa would wear for stuff like painting and working on the combine. Ya know, so he wouldn’t mess up his other ones. I gave all my clothes and shoes to my little sister when I left. She’s got more clothes than she knows what ta do with, now.” He smiled and sniffed a bit when he said that last part. Meanwhile I just sat there with my mouth open and tried to process what he’d just said about leaving his clothes to his LITTLE SISTER. I was absolutely dumbfounded by the sudden realization that my life had been an absolute cakewalk in comparison to his. I thought of, with more than just a little guilt, about how my brothers and I sometimes complained about the brand of new clothes our mother would buy for us… while this poor kid never even HAD new clothes in his entire life.

“And,” he continued. “Have you seen how much FOOD they give us here?”

I guess it’s hard to stretch a meal that divides up well for a family of 11 (2 adults with 9 kids), especially if even half of Huey’s older brothers were as gargantuan as he was.

I milked trying on the last pair, buying myself a few more minutes so I could listen to the last thing Huey said to me.

“And we sleep until 6! Can you believe it? That’s nearly sunrise! And we go to bed the same time every night. I even get to say a prayer and go to church every Sunday and everything.

“I tell you, brother,” he said as he stood up tall in his first pair of brand new boots, his shadow shading me from the hot afternoon sun. “This is the life for me.”

And with that... he was gone.

I never saw Huey again. But my experience with him that day changed my life forever. I find it much harder to feel sorry for myself, having known how life was for him. I have a hard time feeling like I don’t have enough when I have seen, with my own eyes, a giant of a young man brought to tears over a pair of new boots.

That’s being truly thankful for what you have…and I will be forever thankful for the valuable lesson he taught me that day.

Huey … wherever you might be these days … and even though I am pretty sure that you will never have a chance to read these words … I want to tell you that I am thankful to you for opening my eyes, and that I am a better person for having met you.

Happy belated Thanksgiving, everybody!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural, Update #4: The Jersey Devil

Okay … so last week’s episode wasn’t exactly about the Jersey Devil. And the week before that, they threw a wrench in my plans to write about bewitched unions when it turned out that Becky was simply the victim of a crossroads demon.

While I am sure they are not intentionally trying to make my blogging life difficult, I sometimes feel as if the writers of Supernatural are just doing this stuff to drive me crazy.

Anyway … where was I?

Oh, yeah… Jersey Devil.

While last week’s episode turned out not to be the Jersey Devil, I figured I would go ahead and lay down a little of the lore about the creature anyway. They were a little sparse on the Jersey Devil lore in the episode, and it is a pretty crazy little chunk of American folklore that I think is totally worth sharing.

While there are a few versions of the tale, as there often are with legends such as these, here is a summary of the most commonly told version:

Most versions agree that the Jersey Devil was born sometime in 1735 in Smithville, New Jersey. The story goes that a women names Mrs. Leeds was at the full term of being pregnant with her THIRTEENTH child! (Wow ... just, wow). And, apparently, she wasn’t too happy about the way all this baby making was aging her. One dark and stormy night (yeah, I know, it’s an old cliché ... but stay with me) she went into labor. The contractions were especially painful this time around, it would seem. As Mrs. Leeds writhed in agony from a round of painful contractions, she screamed out and cursed the unborn child, saying something along the lines of “This child is the devil!” or, in other versions of the story, “Let this child be a devil!”

Soon thereafter, she gave birth to a beautiful, blue-eyed baby boy.

However, as soon as the midwife handed the newborn to its mother, the child began to wail and transform. Its face stretched forward, deforming into a shape similar to a horse’s head (some say a bat’s, which I have always found odd). Shaggy hair formed on its skin and leathery black wings sprouted from its back. The baby’s legs grew thin and its feet turn to cloven hooves (the presence of hooves is a common element of “demon-spawn” legends like this, as it was commonly believe that the devil had this feature). The infant’s tiny hands turned massive and from its fingers grew long, razor-sharp claws.

Everyone in the room froze in terror as the newborn baby’s cries turn to an ear-shattering wail. Before anyone could act, the newborn creature spread its wings, and with a mighty flap burst out through the roof of the home. It flew off into the night, and to this day roams the forests of New Jersey.

Like I said, there are other versions … not to mention a ton of recorded sightings (though many of the eyewitness accounts are inconsistent in describing the creature). Similar to sightings of the chupacabra, I believe that most Jersey Devil reports are likely the panicked recollections of people driven to hysteria by an unexpected encounter with some type of wild animal.

I have discussed this in a number of my books, how the line between “monster” and “animal” has more to do with human perception than it does with the creatures themselves. When a human encounters an animal that is not native to a habitat, or one that he/she is not expecting to see, then often the brain accounts for this by seeing a “monster.”

For example, many reported of chupacabra sightings have turned out to be encounters with inbred, mange-ridden coyotes. Some people theorize that a group of apes may have been released in North America, and that encounters with these apes are the reason for sightings of Bigfoot/Sasquatch. Some people think that the Jersey Devil sightings may be of a species of large bat native to Africa (which has a long snout and wide wingspan), a number of which (according to this theory) may have been released in North America at some point.

Then again, who am I to say that the Jersey Devil doesn’t exist?

I will say one thing … out of the multitude of recorded sightings … at least some of these people had to have seen something they could not explain.

Well folks, that's the update for now.

FYI: I am selling 2 more sets of signed copies of The Mythology of Supernatural with mojo bags. The link is below.


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Daddy Issues

Yeah... So ... Daddy issues, right?

I mean, how is it that a guy I haven't even seen since I was 8 years old can still have such a strong effect on me.

It's stupid... but today I realized that a number of my behaviors only exist because of him.

Because of a man I once feared more than the monster under my bed.

Because of a man I once wanted to be, yet later came to view as an example of how NOT to be.

Like I said ... it's stupid.

But earlier today, as I was shopping for groceries, I picked up a big bottle of vegetable juice...and it all came rushing back. Again.

When I was a kid... Dad was the only one who drank vegetable juice. And to this day the smell of the stuff brings back the memories of those days when I used to sit on his lap, pretending I was asleep as he watched sports ... or action films ... or whatever. I didn't care, as long as I felt like he was paying attention to me. Sad truth is ... sitting on his lap pretending to nap was the closest I got to positive attention back then.

And I put ketchup on my spagetti. Weird, right? But I do it... Can't help but do it. Why? Because he used to do it. And, to this day, I can't eat a plain bowl of pasta without putting ketchup on it ... even if it has sauce.

Even dumber... I love squeeze cheese. Why? Because he loved squeeze cheese. And once, when I was pretend-snoozing on his lap, he shook me and let me have a single wheat thin with some processed cheese, some stuffed-in-a-compressed can cheese slathered all over it. I don't know that anything had ever tasted so good before or since.

And when I looked for him...when I have looked for him... he has hidden from me. Disowned me. Shunned me.

Like I said ... stupid, right?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural - My Last 2011 Appearance

Hey Folks,

First of all, so sorry for not getting that Osiris post up yet. I had an appearance in Amarillo, TX at the B&N over the weekend. When I got home, I came down ill for 3 days with strep throat (not fun). Sometimes, I find that being around groups of people puts me at risk for getting sick.

So, this is the first day I haven't been bedridden since I got back from the Amarillo trip and I have been playing catchup all day. However, I promise to do my darnedest to get that Osiris post up on the blog before tomorrow night's episode.

Speaking of today, I am finally feeling well enough to work (and the doc assures me I am no longer contagious).

And it's a good thing, too.

Tonight I will be speaking about The Mythology of Supernatural at the RICHARDSON PUBLIC LIBRARY (900 Civic Center Dr. Richardson, TX) from 7:30pm to 8:30pm. There will be a book sale and signing after the presentation. And, yes, I WILL sign books that are brought in.

FYI - I NEVER require readers to buy a book from me in order to have me sign it.

So... if you are one of my DFW/Garland/Plano/Richardson, TX peeps ... and you are not glued to the Rangers game ... please come out and see me.

It looks like tonight will be my last appearance for the 2011 year. No more have been scheduled until 2012.

All my love and thanks for your support!


Monday, October 17, 2011

Kitsune: The Mythology of Supernatural, Update #3

Sorry for the delay in getting this posted, folks! I was on vacation last week and forgot to put it up before I took off. My bad.

FYI - all of the below info (along with a ton of other stuff about the various mythologies of the world) can also be found in another book of mine, The Complete Idiot's Guide to World Mythology

In the Japanese language (Nihongo), the term kitsune can be used to refer to your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill fox. However, in Shinto mythology, kitsune also refers to a race of fox spirits/demons whose main purpose is to act as messengers for Inari, the Rice Kami (in English the word Kami translates, more or less, as “a god”). Kitsune also have a close relationship with a slightly more troublesome race of nature spirits known as Tengu.

Kitsune have the ability to shapeshift, and often assume human form in order to interact undetected with humans.

According to lore, kitsune spirits enjoy playing tricks on people (an attribute they share with the more trickster-like Shinto spirits called Tengu, though the Tengu tend to be a bit crueler with their pranks … kind of like Gabriel/Loki on steroids). Kitsune are often playful in nature when it comes to their mischief, and they are almost always portrayed as being helpful allies to humans (that is, of course, as long as the humans treat the kitsune with respect).

Since normal foxes often reside near humans (attracted by such things as domesticated pheasants and/or discarded food), they were a common sight among the villages of ancient Japan. So perhaps it should not be all that surprising that so many myths regarding the kitsune arose in the Shinto tradition.

Kitsune could best be described as strong, wise, and clever beings. In some stories, it is said that a kitsune’s power can be measured by counting the number of tails it has. You see, kitsune can have anywhere between 1 tail (Ichibi) and 9 tails (Kyuubi). Therefore, myths warn that a person should be extremely careful when dealing with a kitsune that is a Kyuubi (meaning it has “nine tails”). In fact, nearly all of the lore surrounding kitsune advises that a person should be kind to foxes that are not doing any harm, as doing so might cause one to accidentally end up offending a powerful kitsune spirit … which, needless to say, is something that you REALLY do not want to do … seriously … an offended and/or otherwise provoked kitsune (especially a Kyuubi) is capable of doing a LOT of damage.

One particular piece of kitsune folklore, and of which I am rather fond, goes something like this:

The story goes that a samurai encountered a fox on the road while riding home from the residence of his daimyo (lord). While still a fair distance from home, the samurai decided to nock a special “flash-bang” (gunpowder) arrow into his bow that is normally used for scaring away wild dogs. He fired the arrow at the fox and hit it in the back of the leg. As the samurai drew for a second shot, the fox darted into a nearby bush. The samurai dismounted and approached the bush, planning to finish off the fox with a final shot. However, when he aimed at the fox it disappeared into thin air. As the samurai went to retrieve his first arrow, the fox suddenly reappeared in front of him. He quickly drew his bow to loose another arrow, only to have the fox disappear before his eyes once again.

Needless to say, the samurai was feeling a bit unnerved by this experience, and decided to get back on his horse and continue on towards home. When the samurai was but a short distance from his home (say, less than a mile), the very same fox emerged from the forest on the road ahead of him. In the animal’s mouth was a burning torch, which at first puzzled the samurai. Then … the fox darted off in the direction of the samurai’s home. Overcome by a sudden and strange panic, the samurai spurred his horse into a full gallop.

By the time the samurai was within sight of his home he could see the fox sitting right next to the front door, the flaming torch still in its mouth. While he was still too far away to fire an arrow, the samurai watched as the fox suddenly transformed into the shape of a human. This “fox,” the samurai now realized, was actually a kitsune! This realization, however, did him little good when the kitsune took the torch and lit the house on fire. As the flames rose, the samurai finally came into firing distance and drew his bow once more. Before he could loose his arrow, however, the fox spirit returned to its original form and vanished into the nearby woods. The samurai could do nothing but stand by helplessly as he watched his entire house, and everything within it, reduced to ashes.

As for the whole “kitsune eat pituitary glands” thing that they did on the show … I have NO IDEA where the writers of Supernatural got that from. Seriously ... that was a REALLY weird addition.

I do know there has been some scientific research into fox growth hormones in recent years … but seriusly ... I am a mythologist, not a scientist … so I am not even going to TRY touching on that subject.

Thanks, everyone. As always, the support of readers means the world to me.

I will be posting the Mythology of Supernatural, Update #4 sometime over the next couple of days.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Leviathan Pt. 2: The Mythology of Supernatural, Update #1

Hey Folks,

Sorry for not putting this little tidbit in the original post on Leviathan. I knew that there was a mention of Leviathan and Behemoth in the Book of Enoch ... but it took me another day or two to find it. As I have explained in my book, The Mythology of Supernatural, the Enoch text predates all Judeo-Christian writings and was heavily influential in the development of Judaism.

So, without further ado:
“And on that day two monsters shall be parted – one monster, a female named Leviathan in order to dwell in the abyss of the ocean over the fountains of water; and [the second], a male called Behemoth which holds his chest in an invisible desert whose name is Dundayin, east of the garden of Eden." -1 Enoch 60:7-8

You may remember that, in my original blog post about Leviathan, I mentioned how Leviathan and Behemoth were once considered two creatures which joined to create a terrifying monster. Later on the myth was changed when Lilith entered the tradition, and explained how Lilith was mated to Samael after her expulsion from Eden ... and that the joining of these two came to be known as Leviathan (however, I am not sure that the writers of Supernatural are going to follow this part). Notice also that Enoch refers to Leviathan as "female" ... this certainly differs from the traditinal Judaic demonology/lore. However, this may just be an earlier version of the idea that these titanic monsters of old, made by YHVH/God before Humans, some say on the 5th day of Creation, encompassing both destruction & creation (since without destruction there is no creation), existed as a joining of male & female entities. This is in line with early Judaic concepts of the divine male and female, such as Shekinah (which is, more or less, the feminine nature of God ... believed to have been viewed as God's "Wife" at one point in early Semitic traditions).

As for Behemoth, there is lore which claims this titanic monster became drawn to the land, joining his physical form to an "invisible desert" called Dudayin, a place "east of Eden" where no human may dwell.

Well ... that is all for now. If anyone has questions, feel free to post them in the comments.

FYI - Sometime tomorrow, I will be posting links/details on an auction that will be held for a signed copy of The Mythology of Supernatural and a personally handmade Mojo Bag (they will be auctioned together as a set).

Monday, September 26, 2011

Leviathan: The Mythology of Supernatural, Update #1

Okay, Supernatural writers … so … you brought out the LEVIATHAN, eh?

My hat is off to you, Supernatural writers. You guys (or girls?) certainly kicked off Season 7 with some seriously “old school” baddies of Judeo-Christian lore.

Let me start by putting at least one thing straight … I have noticed that a lot of people are referring to Leviathan as an “old demon.” However, this would technically only be “half-correct.” Leviathan (a.k.a. “The Slant Serpent”) is definitely old, VERY OLD. Leviathan is so old, in fact, that this gargantuan chunk of beasty was a part of Semitic folklore long before (possibly a couple thousand years before) the concept of demons had even entered into the later Judaic tradition.

The name Leviathan, simply put, refers to one of the original bad boys who occupied the dark side of the cosmic balance in the very first days of the Creation.

Remember this early line from Genesis? (no, not the band … the BOOK): "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

Well … you might say that Leviathan was one of the VERY nasty things that were among “the deep,” a creature of “the void,” a titanic occupant of “the waters” … more or less referring to the primordial waters of creation. And, as any woman who has ever birthed a child could attest … creation can be a violent and frightening occurrence. And we aren’t talking about the birth of just a single human being, here … this was the birth of a pretty big chunk of the cosmos (if not the whole thing). There are a large number of references to Leviathan in demonology. However, the creature’s mentions in biblical texts can be pretty limited or vague by comparison.

So … let’s have a look then, shall we?

First of all, it is important to note that (in Supernatural 07.01) Leviathan entered Castiel out of PURGATORY, not Hell. Since, in the Supernatural mythos, demons are kept in Hell and the souls of monsters are held in Purgatory … this makes sense. Leviathan is not a demon, as I have already stated, but something far older and more along the lines of what Judeo-Christian texts often refer to as the “Serpent of Old.”

So, by this rationale, the use of “sea monster” would definitely seem a fitting description. Leviathan certainly is said to have, at least at one time, dwelled freely in the dark realm of “the deep” and “the waters.”

And remember that whole “Jonah in the Belly of the Whale” story in II Kings (or the Book of Jonah in Judaic texts)? Well … that was no “whale.” Jonah was swallowed by the Leviathan (at God’s/YHVH’s bidding), because he refused to deliver a divine message from the God of the Israelites to the people of Nineveh and had fled his duty as a prophet (at the time, the Israelites were not on very good terms with the people of Nineveh, a powerful Assyrian city in which the Israelites were held captive for a time, around roughly 720 BCE). However, there are some Jewish midrash texts (midrash texts are sort of like commentaries) which claim Jonah was actually swallowed by a giant fish … which was then almost swallowed by Leviathan. These versions of the tale usually state that Jonah avoided being devoured by Leviathan (more or less, avoided being in the belly of a big fish that was itself in the belly of a sea monster) by brandishing the “Seal of Abraham” (which is, more or less, an 8-pointed star). Needless to say, there are some holes in this version of the story ... but that's not really the point.

But why would YHVH send such a frightening and uber-powerful monstrosity to threaten (or swallow, depending on which version you go with) the wayward Jonah? Well … Judeo-Christian tradition states that Leviathan is, after all, but one of the many creations of God/YHVH. In fact, Psalm 104 even gives thanks to YHVH for all of creation, including Leviathan: “O Lord, how manifold are thy works! In wisdom hast thou made them all; the earth is full of thy riches. So is this great and wide sea, wherein are things creeping innumerable, both small and great beasts. There go the ships; there is that Leviathan, whom thou hast made to play therein. These wait all upon thee; that thou mayest give them their meat in due season.”

And here we have a reference to a later prophecy, with the whole "in due season" part, which is discussed in Isaiah 27:1: “In that day the Lord with His sore and great and strong sword will punish Leviathan the slant serpent, and Leviathan the tortuous serpent; and He will slay the dragon that is in the sea.

Notice that the above excerpt seems to mention Leviathan as if there is more than one? Well, this is because Leviathan itself is not one entity, but a combination of all the embodiments of the ancient forces of creation & destruction. Depending on the source, Leviathan is said to be a monstrous beast that combines (but is not limited to) such ancient baddies as Samael, Ashmodai, one version of Lilith (see the below excerpt from the book), and Behemoth. Later on in the tradition, however, it must be mentioned that Behemoth and Leviathan came to be viewed as two separate entities. Think of it like this: Behemoth is thought of as a Leviathan, but not as the Leviathan. This is likely due to the fact that the word Leviathan eventually came to be used as a general term for any large sea creature (including whales … hence all the confusion in the Jonah story).

Lastly, the above quote from Isaiah is believed by some religious/myth scholars to have found a place in the apocalyptic Book of Revelation 12:7-12: “And war broke out in heaven: Michael and his angels fought with the dragon; and the dragon along with his own angels fought them, but they did not prevail, nor was a place found for them in Heaven any longer. So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world; he was cast to the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

Below is an excerpt from The Mythology of Supernatural, which I have noticed that some people are already quoting on the internet forums … so I figure it is not too big a deal if I post it here. This excerpt discusses Leviathan’s relation to Lilith and his combined nature (FYI – this was written halfway through Season 6 … so I find it interesting that the writers of Supernatural ended up using the concept of Leviathan):
Judaic demonology and folklore states that it was in the depths of the sea that Lilith became the wife of one of the Four Demon Princes of Hell, Samael, in his form as the ‘Slant Serpent’ Leviathan, to which Lilith became the female version counterpart. The coupling of these two figures came to be called Leviathan, the name by which this creature is now known. During the end times, as written in the Old Testament book of Isaiah 27:1, ‘In that day God, with his mighty sword, shall punish Leviathan the piercing serpent, even Leviathan that Slant Serpent; and He shall slay the dragon that is in the sea.’

Okay, I am going to end this post here. However, if anyone has further questions regarding Leviathan, the mythology of the new season, and/or The Mythology of Supernatural, feel free to post them in the comments here on the blog, send them to me on my Twitter page (NatRBrown), or in the “Discussions” section of my Amazon page:

I will keep posting updates each week (and responding to reader questions) for as long as there are updates to post and/or questions to answer.

As always, thanks to you all for your support! Looking forward to seeing where Season 7 takes us!

Nathan R. Brown

Thursday, September 22, 2011

New Update to Appearance Schedule (as of 9/22/11)

Hey Folks,

Had a new appearance confirmation come through the other day, so I figured I should update the schedule. As of today, my current appearance schedule (for the next month or so, at least) is as follows:

Monday, September 26, 2011, 11:30 PM: Radio Interview on WCUM, 91.3 FM, in Worcester, MA. Interview will be taped at 11:30PM Central Time ... not sure when it will actually be on the air ... will post actual air time/date when it becomes available.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011, 6:30 PM: Will be doing a Q&A, as well as participating in some other activities, at the CostumeCon event at the Richardson Public Library. This is basically an evening of anime/manga, costumes/cosplay, and other assorted uber-awesome stuff. So come join us if you are in the area. Address for the event is 900 Civic Center Drive, Richardson, TX 75080

Saturday, October 22, 2011, 2:00 PM: Will be giving a presentation on The Mythology of Supernatural, followed by a book signing, at the Barnes & Noble bookstore in Amarillo, TX. Address for the event is 2415 Soncy Road, Amarillo, TX 79124

Thursday, October 27, 2011, 7:30 PM: Will be giving a presentation on The Mythology of Supernatural, followed by book sales & signing, at the Richardson Public Library. Address for the event is 900 Civic Center Drive, Richardson, TX 75080

And remember folks, if you would like to have me come speak and/or hold a book signing at a library, bookstore (FYI - Barnes & Noble makes these very easy), or some other event/venue in your area, please let me know in the comments and I will do my best to arrange something. However, please keep in mind that October is often a crazy month for me when it comes to promo events (as one might imagine, since most of what I write about is related to the paranormal) ... so the sooner you get in touch with me, the sooner I can get the date reserved.

Unfortunately, it is looking as if I may not be able to post a reader response this week. I will definitely try, but I just can't make any promises. I have recently had some unexpected personal issues come up that I need to deal with right now. Nothing to worry about, though ... and I should be back to my semi-normal self by next week.

As always, thanks to all of you for your support!

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural: Reader Question Response #3

This week's response comes from an anonymous, would-be reader from a forum post:
"In the Hammer of the Gods episode they joke about Ragnarok, but one of the signs of it is Loki getting out of his prison, and Odin totally thought Gabriel was Loki, so...what's up with that? Did you even cover that in the book."

Simply put ... yes.

As I was writing the book, I quickly relaized that Gabriel was going to have to be covered in two different sections that would have to be located in two separate chapters. I discuss the angelology of Gabriel in the Angels chapter of the book. Then, later, I explain his role as Loki in a chapter that is devoted entirely to pre/non-Judeo-Christian concepts of Apocalypse ... a chapter which also pays very special attention to the characters portrayed in the "Hammer of the Gods" Supernatural episode.

I don't want to go into uber-spoiler detail here by summarizing everything in the book, but I can at least let you know what I do cover in the book when it comes to this subject.

The book goes into detail on the whole Ragnarok thing, and explains the mythology of Loki (as well as a little speculation on how/why the writers may have tried to match him up as Gabriel's alias). It also explains the mythological "who & what" of all the gods that were involved in the "Hammer of the Gods" episode: Odin, Baldur, Mercury, Kali, Baron Samedi, Zao Shen, etc. I also discuss the apocalyptic myth/lore (if present) that is associated with each of these gods.

Well, I think that's about all the detail I can give, without taking stuff right out of the book. And I am pretty sure the publisher would kill me for that, ;-P

Please keep the questions coming, folks. Only a few reader response questions are left in my queue. I will only post these responses for as long as there are questions for me to answer.

All my best!


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Typo of the Day (sort of) 9/13/11

Okay, so this one is not exactly a "typo" ... in fact, it does not even come from a written source. HOWEVER, I think this is WAY funnier than what I'd originally planned to post today. So, as is my wont (finally! I found an opportunity to use the word "wont" in a sentence!), we're going with this.

Below is a conversation that took place between two younger gents (both whom shall be henceforth referred to as "Dude #1" & "Dude #2"), and which I could not help but overhear while I was standing in line behind them at a convenience store earlier today:

Dude #1: “I want to ask her out, but you know how bad I suck at talking to girls.”
Dude #2: “I shall go to her at your behead, my friend.”
Dude #1: “What?”
Dude #2: “I shall go to her at your behead.”
Dude #1: “Dude … I think the word you are looking for is vehemently.”

Ummmmm … what?

I don't even know where to begin.

Dude #1: The word you were looking for was behest

Dude #2: You are NOT helping! Seriously, Dude #2 ... vehemently? How could that word ever work within the framework of what Dude #1 originally said? I mean, did you even take a few seconds to listen in your head to how that sentence would sound before you gave Dude #1 this absolutely dreadful vocabulary suggestion?! Stop sniffing the glue!

However, perhaps I am being too quick to judge Dude #2's suggestion ... Hm ... Okay, let's give it a try:
"I shall go to her at your vehemently."

Nope. Still makes no sense. I swear, sometimes I am not sure whether i want to laugh or cry at stuff like this.

Well, that's my post for today. Later this week I will have another Reader Response Question for The Mythology of Supernatural.

WAIT! I forgot something!

FYI - I had an appearance recently that did not quite go as planned. Long story short, this means that I actually have a TON of paranormal/Supernatural merch still on hand. So, later this month, I will be putting some of my handmade and signed Slayer Kits, Mojo bags, and stakes on auction via ebay. Will post the details, links, etc. on these auctions once they beocme available.

Until then ... try not to vehemently behead any girls that you want to ask out. Because that's probably not going to end well for anyone.

Friday, September 9, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural: Reader Question Response #2

Okay folks,

So the reader response for this week does not come from any one particular person or reader, because several people have asked the same general thing in a variety of different ways. More or less, their questions came down to the length of the book.

Some people have asked (or complained) about the book being "too short."

Some people have asked (or complained) about the book being "a bit long."

And still other people have asked about the method(s) I used to make the length of the book "just right."

I swear ... I feel like I'm in some weird writer's version of 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears'.

Anyway ... instead of answering any specific one of the above three questions, I figured I should just explain how I went about deciding the length of the book in general.

First of all, obviously there are certain constraints set down by the publisher as to how long a book should be. They don't want it to be too short/brief ... but they don't want it to feel as though it drags on needlessly. I more or less hit right in the middle of the set word count/page range given to me by the publisher.

I realize that some people want a book like this to go into uber-serious detail, while others just want the basics. I can tell you that I went into this project knowing that I was not going to be able to please either group. If I got too wordy or unnecessarily detailed, hitting the max allowed word/page count, then I felt as though I was going to lose a good chunk of my mainstream readers. If I made it too brief/short, at the lower end of the minimum word/page count, then I knew that people were going to feel (for lack of a better description) "ripped off."

So ... what was my genius strategy for hitting the middle ground? Simple, I would first write a section/chapter ... then come back and read it a few days later (as well as let some colleagues and my editor read it). If I (or a rough majority of my test readers) got bored before reaching the end of a particular section/chapter, I did not go any further with it. If, however, I (or, again, any of my test readers) reached the end of a chapter or section with that sensation of "Aw, man ... is it over, already?" ... then I would continue researching and writing until that feeling went away.

Okay ... so this is not exactly "genius" ... but it was the best method I could think up. To be honest, I think that sometimes people put too much emphasis on length. For example, I'd rather learn everything I want/need to know from 100 well written pages than to be bored to tears by covering the same amount of information in 300 unecessarily wordy/detailed pages. And, in my experience, I have found that most readers feel the same way.

And besides ... I know very well, as most writers do (or, at least, should) that no book I ever write or publish is going to please everyone. In the words of Chuck Shurley (which, by the way, are also quoted in the book):
"You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There are always gonna be holes."

And you know what? I am cool with that. It's just part of the job.

So, long story short ... if you felt that The Mythology of Supernatural was too short, I am sorry for that ... if you felt that The Mythology of Supernatural was too long, I am sorry for that ... if you felt that it was just right ... um ... thanks?

Okay, now that I am back from the trip I will continue posting one response a week for as long as I keep receiving questions.

FYI - I got the intial sales numbers from the publisher today. They were VERY good. As always, my most sincere thanks to everyone in the Supernatural fandom-family for all the support!

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural: Reader Question Response #1

My first reader question comes from Scott (no last name given), and he asks:
"In Season 3, episode 12, Jus In Bello, Sam and Dean reveal tattoos on the left side of their chests as a way of protection from being possessed. Did you decide to research the symbol? Can you give any information about it?"

Yes, Scott. I did research the origins of this symbol. Due to certain writing constraints regarding the use of images, however, it was not included in the book. However, I am more than happy to share that research here on the blog.

I looked for weeks before I found this (which, for me, is a really long time to look for something) in an excellent reference source, The Dictonary of Symbols by Carl G. Liungman (I've had this on my shelves for years, and it comes in handy far more often than one might expect).

The book offers a very similar (though, admittedly, not identical) symbol to the protection tattoo Sam and Dean have. Here is an image of that symbol:

This emblem is commonly found on clothing in regions of Ghana, and is meant to symbolize the Eastern Star (represented by the 5-pointed star), planet Venus (symbolized by the circle within the star), and the solar cycle/beginning of a new day (symbolized by the sun that surrounds the star, which is meant to represent rotation).

Linguistically, the symbol is supposed to mean Sesa woruban, which generally translates as "Change in life" or, more personally, "I change/transform my own life."

Now, please understand that there is no way to prove that the creators of Supernatural had this symbol in mind when they created the design of the protective tattoo used on the show. And I want to make it clear that I am making no such claim here. This is simply the most similar symbol that I was able to track down in my research.

Well, that's one response down. I will continue to do these once a week until I run out of questions. So, if you have a question related to The Mythology of Supernatural, send it to me in the comments here on the blog.

I'll also accept questions on the discussion board of my Amazon page:

Lastly, feel free to Tweet questions to me on my Twitter account: NatRBrown

Thanks for the question, Scott.

And thanks to all the Supernatural fans and readers who have helped to make The Mythology of Supernatural a success.

All my best,

Friday, August 19, 2011

'The Mythology of Supernatural' Question Responses ARE coming!

Hey Folks,

Please accept my apologies for being unable to start posting my responses to questions this week, as I had originally intended. My life has been uber-nuts the last two weeks, as you can probably imagine, between my daily work and all the additional craziness that comes with having a new book come out. Please know that your questions are certainly NOT forgotten. And I fully intend to start posting responses on Monday (8/22).

My most sincere thanks, as always, to everyone in the Supernatural Family/Fandom for your interest and support!

Nathan Robert Brown

Monday, August 8, 2011

Hey Supernatural Fans! Let's talk.

Hey Folks,

So I realized the other day that I should probably give everyone time to actually READ the Mythology of Supernatural book before I expect to you all to start sending me questions.

However, I also realized that now would probably be a good time to send out some prompts.

I want your questions, folks!

If you read the book and are wondering why I did or did not cover a particular topic, I want to hear about it.

Perhaps you have NOT bought/read the book because you are worried that it will just be more of the same? Or maybe you are thinking that it won't tell you anything you don't already know. Well ... ASK me about it, and I will let you know (I should say, I will let you know what topics are at least COVERED in the book, but I have to draw the line at spoilers).

So ... ask away, Supernatural fans! Misha Minions! J2 Disciples! a.k.a. whatever it is you choose to call yourself! I want to hear your questions!

Questions may be submitted here in the comments, or in the "Discussion" sections of my Amazon page:

And, as always, I would like to extend my love, thanks, and gratitude to everyone in the SPN fandom!

Without you, this book would not exist.

And I'm out like a Jefferson Starship,

Monday, July 25, 2011

Anders Behring Breivik is NOT a Crusader

A crusader.

Anders Behring Breivik, the admitted shooter in the recent Oslo massacre, fancies himself a “crusader.”

He believes himself to be a modern-day Knight Templar (as he claims in a disturbing video he posted online sometime before the attacks), on a holy mission to liberate Europe from “Islamic Colonization” ... which he views as the hidden agenda of some sort of "Marxist" and “Multi-culturalist” conspiracy.

In his video he claims people like him need not fear death, as they are protected by the “armor of faith.”

And in the name of his so-called “crusade,” he detonated a bomb in an Oslo government office building … right next to Norwegian parliament. He wasn’t even on the premises.

With his bomb … a coward’s weapon of choice … he killed 8 people.

In addition to his “armor of faith,” Breivik wore a police officer’s uniform when, shortly after the bombing, he opened fire on a crowd of 700 teens at a Labor Party youth camp. Some of the panicked teens, at seeing his police uniform, apparently even ran to him for help … only to be gunned down by him.

Armed to the teeth … against what amounts to a crowd of unarmed children … and hiding behind a police officer's uniform … he killed 68 young people.

He surrendered to authorities, likely to avoid being shot/killed by them, and has even admitted to everything ... and yet he refuses to plead guilty in court, obviously planning to use a public trial as a forum with which to further promote his irrational psuedo-nationalist ideology.

Ander Behring Breivik fancies himself a crusader, a modern-day Knight Templar of European Christendom.

Let’s make this clear: This man is not a crusader. He is not a knight, Templar or otherwise. He is neither a liberator nor a soldier. He is not even worthy of being called a terrorist, in my opinion.

Ander Behring Breivik is a delusional, narcissistic coward … nothing more than a mass murderer hiding behind his bullshit manifesto and claim to divine authority, the same way he hid behind an officer’s uniform as he gunned down 68 unarmed teenagers.

What a sad and pathetic little man you are, Breivik. May justice be swift, and your punishment severe.

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Mythology of Supernatural - new updates/posts begin August 2nd

Hello All,

Not much time to post lately. However, I wanted to let everyone know that I will begin posting updates and comments related to the new book, The Mythology of Supernatural, beginning on the release date (August 2nd 2011).

In addition to my own comments and updates, I will also be answering questions from readers. For those who would like to pose a question (related to the book, please) that they'd like me to answer in a post, you may either present them to me in the blog comments, the discussion board on my Amazon Page ( You can also tweet questions to me using Twitter (NatRBrown) or leave a comment on my Facebook fanpage (!/pages/Nathan-Robert-Brown/285309961036?sk=wall).

Submitting a question does not guarantee that I will choose it for a post. I have no idea how many questions I will end up with, so I don't want to make any promises.

I would like to extend my most sincere thanks, once again, to all those in the Supernatural fandom who have helped to make this book a success.

All My Best!
Nathan Robert Brown

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A Big Thank You! (The Mythology of Supernatural)

I just want to say "Thanks!" to all of those Supernatural fans and mythology readers who have helped to keep The Mythology of Supernatural in the Amazon top 50,000 for the last 20 days (though the book has actually spent most of that time among the TOP 20,000). And for a majority of this month, the book has been ranked among the top 100 in the Television book category!

What is blowing my mind is that the book does not even come out for 2 more weeks! I have never seen any of my previously published books have this much popularity before they even hit the shelves. The Supernatural fandom rocks! And I am thankful for every last one of you.

My most sincere thanks to all of you who have preordered the book, and even to those of you who are waiting until after the release date to buy it.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Typo of the Day (7/15/11)

Hey Folks,

It is time for yet another typo of the day.

This one comes to us from the folks at KGUN in Arizona:
"The Pima County Sheriff's Air Unit on patrol on Tuesday, July 12th 2011, received word that a green laser was illuminating the cockpit's of commercial jetliners on approach to Tucson International Airport."

Somebody want to tell me what that freaking apostrophe is for?

Link to original story:

Monday, June 27, 2011

Typo of the Day (6/27/11)

Hey Everyone,

It appears time for another "Typo of the Day."

This one comes to us from AOL News (big shock, right?), in an article about a woman who hoards dolls:
"Part of the problem is that she and her son are running out of space because of the dolls, the weight of which is comprising the structural integrity of their house."

Seriously? The weight of dolls comprises the structural integrity?

COMPRISE: "Consist of; to be made up of."

So, by that rationale ... the entire structural integrity of the house is made up of DOLLS, right? Man, I'd like to see what that must look like!

I think the word they're looking for is
COMPROMISING: As in, "To reduce in quality, value, or degree; weaken or lower."

Once again, I must weep at the realization that I am witnessing the death of the written word as I know it.

Link to original article:

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Vampire Slayer / Hunter Kit Auction

I have decided to hold an eBay auction for the last of my 2011 handmade Deluxe Vampire Slayer / Monster Hunter Kits.

Here is the link:

I will sign the stake and/or interior of the wooden carrying case at the request of the winning bidder.

Please note that this is the LAST DELUXE SLAYER KIT I plan to make for the 2011 year.

After this auction ends, no more of the DELUXE type of my SLAYER KITS will be available for purchase until some time AFTER my new website's launch, which is scheduled for around August 1st 2011.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Typo of the Day (6/21/11)

Hello All,

Welcome to a new segment in my blog ... let's call it "The Typo of the Day" (however, to be honest, I doubt I'll post one every day).

Today's Typo come to us from Fox 41 News in Louisville, KY:
"Does it happen? Yes. Is it surprising? No. That's the reason these statues are on the books. It's fairly coincidental that these two merged together at a similar time."

That's right people ... thanks be to [insert deity name of choice here] that we have those "STATUES on the books."

Maybe this is what's wrong with the Louisville Schools?

After all, how are kids supposed to read books when you've got STATUES on them?!!!

I now realize that I will likely live long enough to witness the slow & painful death of the written word with my own eyes ... great.

Where is Ray Bradbury when I need him?

Here is a link to the original article:

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Updated Appearance Schedule

Hello All,

Some new schedule changes have come up in recent weeks, as far as my appearances go.

A number of people have been asking me whether I will be attending the Paranormal Research Society’s “Field Trip 12” in Salem, Mass. Unfortunately I have not yet secured a confirmation for that event. However, when I have an answer I promise to let everyone know.

Please keep in mind that the folks at the PRS have been VERY generous in inviting me as a guest speaker to their past two field trips, and it would not surprise me if they’d like to open up the slot for a new speaker this time around. And I continue to have nothing but good things to say about all the folks on the PRS crew for all their interest and generosity at FTX & FTXI.

In other news, I have confirmed a couple of new appearances. Since I promised that I would maintain an appearance schedule on this blog, I figure this a good time to post an update.

As of 6/08/11, my schedule of upcoming confirmed appearances is as follows:

June 10th & 12th 2011—A-KON 22
: I will be giving two panels at the A-Kon 22 anime convention at the Dallas Sheraton in Dallas, TX. The 6/10/11 (7:30pm in State Room 2) panel topic is “Anime, Myth, & Naruto,” but this is actually going to be an examination of Naruto as a Japanese manifestation of the Arthurian myth, followed by a Q&A. The 6/12/11 (12:45pm in State Room 3) panel topic is “Anime/Manga & the Shinto Revival,” in which we will take a look at Shinto elements in various anime such as Naruto and XXXholic, as well as the interesting interpretations of the Shinigami idea in various manga/anime, followed by a Q&A.

September 2nd – 5th 2011—COPPERCON 31: I will be giving 2-3 panels on various topics from Voodoo to zombies & werewolves at this Sci-Fi/Fantasy convention at the Hilton Garden Inn in Avondale, AZ (link: More details on this appearance will follow.

And I have another unconfirmed (but likely) appearance:
I am supposed to be giving another presentation at the Richardson Public Library in Richardson, TX at some date in October. A specific date has yet to be confirmed, but I will post details as they become available.

My publicist has been trying to reach the folks at Creation Entertainment in order to secure an appearance at one or two of their upcoming “Salute to Supernatural” conventions … but, as of this morning, they still have yet to receive a reply to any of the query emails.

if you are the host of, or know of, any convention, library, or other venue that would be interested in hosting me for a panel, presentation, or lecture, please feel free to pass along a link to this blog. I can always be reached via comments. I never charge for appearances (unless the cost of travel is beyond my budget, in which case I only ask for travel/board to be provided or reimbursed). My only condition is that I be allowed to sell books/merchandise at the event.

Thanks, folks. For those coming to A-Kon 22, I will see you folks soon. As for the rest of you, I will try to post on my A-Kon experience when I get back next week.

Friday, June 3, 2011

The Art of Wrongness

After my recent post regarding why it is okay to be wrong about spirituality, I have found myself continually pondering the whole idea of “wrongness.”

Maybe this is because I am somewhat of an expert at being wrong. And, in at least one respect, I think that my aptitude for “wrongness” has served me quite well. Perhaps I should clarify what I mean, in this particular case, by “wrongness.”

There are a number of skills, actions, etc. that, throughout my life I have always done “the wrong way”:

• I hold my pen/pencil “the wrong way”
• I tie my shoes “the wrong way”
• I frequently shake the carbonation out of soda before I drink it (“That’s the wrong way to drink a Coke,” someone once told me)
• I learned to read two years before before I learned to write (“So you learned it the wrong way,” a teacher once said to me)

However, I am of the opinion that this whole idea of doing something “The wrong way” is just a load of bull.

I would venture to say that I write well enough, despite how I hold a writing utensil … I would even say that I write more than well enough, to be honest, considering the fact that I now make my living at it. I take great pride in this, since my 3rd Grade teacher screamed at me “You’ll NEVER be a writer! How could you, when you’re too STUPID to even hold a pencil right?” (for her part, this rant occurred during a fit that she had after spending a number of futile months trying to force me to change how I held my pen/pencil, by use of these tyrannical little rubber triangles that I consistently chewed down into pencil cushions)

My shoes have never fallen off … and since I am the type who tends to trip over my shoelaces, I have found that my way works better.

Shaking the carbonation out of soda basically turns it into caffeine-infused sugar water … and this is a method I adopted back in my martial arts competition days … I learned that doing this allows the soda to give the drinker more energy, and more quickly.

It’s true that I somehow managed to figure out the basics of reading around the age of 3 (no one seems to know how this happened … but my favorite theory is that it was due to all the Sesame Street and Electric Company I was watching on a daily basis). However, until I was around 5 years old I lived under the mistaken belief that the act of writing consisted of scribbling lines of continuous zig-zags on a piece of paper while saying your thoughts out loud. And, once again, it was due to television. You see, the only actual writing I had ever witnessed by the time I was three years old was on Charles Schultz’s Charlie Brown. When ol’ Charlie Brown would write, we would hear his inner monologue as a series of zig-zagging lines scrolled across his paper. For years, I would take pages of these to my parents and ask what they meant. And for some reason they always made something up, and it was never what I’d intended to write … which only led me to wonder what I was doing wrong to cause the meanings to change. Luckily, a year before I hit kindergarten, my father finally got sick of me bringing him page after page of nonsense and told me “It doesn’t mean ANYTHING, Nathan! You know how to read, don’t you? To write you just make the same letters that you read.”

Wow…talk about a light bulb going off. Even at 5-years-old, I couldn’t believe I’d never made that connection. So, I began working on writing every day. Believe it or not … this is also why I hold my pencil/pen “wrong.” My “closed fist” style of holding my writing utensil eventually evolved into a weird, chopstick-like posture that I use to this day.

Sorry for the digression … but I needed to explain these in order to make my next point about doing things “the wrong way.”


Seriously. Who decided that there was only one “right” way to hold a pencil? And that any other method was “wrong”?

The same with all the rest of my examples.

When someone has told me I was doing something the wrong way, I would always ask them WHY it was wrong. If I didn’t like their answers … I did it my own way.

Not to say that there haven’t been times when this has come back to bite me in the ass … but that’s a subject for another day.

So, the next time someone tells you that you are doing something “the wrong way,” I challenge you to reply with something along the lines of “Says who?” or “What makes it wrong?”

If you don’t feel that their answer justifies their claim of “wrongness” … then forget ‘em. Do it your own way … find your own path.

I say do it wrong.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Guest on Mancow Morning Madhouse

Hey folks,

I would like to start by saying I am sorry for not posting much this last week.

I promise that I will be putting up a "real" blog post in the next day or two.

In the meantime, however, I wanted to let everyone know that I am scheduled to be a guest on the Mancow Morning Madhouse radio show (I believe the station is based in Chicago at TALK 105.1 FM), talking about zombies (of course), on Wednesday June 8th at 6am (CST) ... so, if you are a morning person, come have a listen.

I am certainly NOT a morning person, but this is noationally syndicated radio. So I guess I will just have to deal with it.

I'll survive (I hope, LOL).

On that note: God Bless You, CDC, for all the free zombie publicity you have been putting out lately. LOL

Friday, May 20, 2011

Dear Doomsdayers & Naysayers: It’s OKAY to be WRONG

Since this morning, I have been receiving a lot of emails, messages, etc. from friends and readers wanting my opinion on whether or not the Rapture told of in Revelations is really going to kick off tomorrow.

So I thought that maybe a blog post would be more effective than answering them all individually.

Let me begin by explaining that I credit my mother with my flexible views on religion. As anyone familiar with my work probably knows, I do not have a religion … meaning I claim no allegiance to any form of organized religion. However, I am NOT an atheist.

To be honest, I feel that I was unable to truly seek out God until I finally chose to abandon the rules and dogmas of organized religion. But, as is my tendency, I am starting to get off the subject.

When I was young, around 15 years old, something my mother said to me about the Branch Davidians (if you don’t know who these people were, you can Google it) would turn out to have a huge impact on my views regarding religion and spirituality. Just to put things in perspective—this was around the time of the Waco standoff, but before the fire that finally brought the situation to its tragic end.

The main topic that seemed to be on everyone’s lips back in those days (including certain teachers at my Junior High) was how INSANE these folks in Waco must be, and how stupid they were for believing a guy like David Koresh was the messiah.

Well, I came home from school one afternoon and began regurgitating to my mother all the opinions I’d heard other people voicing all day, trying my best to act as if they were my own thoughts and ideas … though, in all honesty, my teenage mind really had no idea what to think of it all.

My mother rarely tried persuade me on certain issues … instead, she would ask me questions or plant ideas that would help me come to my own conclusions. This time, however, she sighed and said something to me that I never forgot:

“Yes, I believe that what Koresh has done is wrong. And I agree that the people in that compound are probably fools for following him. However, if it turns out they are right and this guy really is a messenger of God and that everyone else is wrong, and that I am wrong for believing as I do … then I would ask that God please forgive me.”


Believe it or not … I stopped thinking about the whole Waco thing right then and there (ADHD tends to do that).

Though I doubt she even realized it at the time, what my mother had just said suddenly opened up my mind to a possibility that I’d never considered—it was OKAY to be wrong about religion and spirituality. This idea would grow and blossom for years, and lead me to believe that it was OKAY to form my own beliefs about God, and to allow others to do the same. If I got it wrong, so be it.

These recent doomsdayers, those who claim that the Christian Rapture will begin at 6pm (New Zealand time) tomorrow, are not violent, gun-toting fanatics like the Branch Davidians … and by no means should it be misinterpreted that I am making a direct comparison here.

However, I notice that a lot of people are saying the same sorts of things now, about these doomsdayers, that people were saying back in ‘93 about those folks in Waco—that they are INSANE, that they are fools, that they are a cult.

And, yes, I agree that it is pretty likely they will turn out to be WRONG (especially considering that this is not the first time their leader, Harold Camping, has prematurely pulled the apocalyptic fire alarm) … so, yeah, I believe they are wrong about this … but I also believe that it is OKAY for them to be wrong.

So … do I personally believe that the Rapture begins tomorrow? Well, here is my answer:
NO. I believe that what Harold Camping is doing is wrong. And I agree that the people who believe his prophecy are probably fools for following him. However, if it turns out they are right and this guy really is a messenger of God and that everyone else is wrong, and that I am wrong for believing as I do … then I would ask that God please forgive me.”

To the Doomsdayers: if tomorrow comes and goes, and the Rapture does not occur, just let it go and move on. And, though I do not agree with your beliefs, I highly respect your dedication and level of faith.

To the Naysayers: I get it…it seems crazy. And I know it’s always easy to play a round of “Let’s make fun of the naïve” when you hear about stuff like this. I have been guilty of it myself, plenty of time. But please remember that your jeers and insults only serve to increase the belief that it is NOT okay to be wrong about religion and spirituality. So, on Saturday, try to cut them a break and keep the “Nanny-nanny-boo-booes” to a minimum.

To everyone else: If the Rapture DOES occur ... for those of us left behind ... I am totally thinking AFTER PARTY!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

In Observance of Zombie Awareness Month (a.k.a. "May")

Hello Dear Readers!

While May is among my favorite months of the year, it being Zombie Awareness Month and all, it also seems to always turn out to be one of the busiest months of the year for me (of course, its not like June is any better...but I digress).

The recent business that is my life has resulted in my epic failure to blog any zombie-related posts during this most auspicious of times. This is the Romero-version of Christmas, after all ... um ... yeah ... it's Romero-mas.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking: “Just great! Yet another generic blog post that's going to bore me with a bunch of oh-so-obvious tips on how to survive a zombie apocalypse.”

Oh yeah? Well, you know what, Mr. and/or Mrs. Cynicism? Perhaps, you might want to read more than a paragraph of this blog post before you come to such a BOLD conclusion!

Frankly, I find your lack of faith disturbing (cue Darth Vader voice and creepy breathing sound effects).

Anyway … what was I supposed to be doing?
Oh, yeah … it’s Zombie Awareness Month! For those who don't know, this is that special time of year when everyone (or, at least, those who are aware that such a month even EXISTS) take a day here and there (after all, we have the whole month ... so why wear ourselves out?) to prepare for the unlikely yet inevitable day when the living dead come knocking on our doors, wanting nothing more than to feast on our warm flesh and, by doing so, finally force us to join the moaning collective of their mindless horde.

Good times!

However, I would not dare to insult the intelligence of my dear readers by regurgitating the same old Z-Day survival strategies that everyone already knows, for what would likely be the kajillionth time. Seriously, every year some genius publishes a set of ridiculously uninsightful tip in an article or weblog ... shoving the same old tired maxims down the readers' throats:
“Horde food and water!”
“Aim for the HEAD!”
"Stay away from largely populated areas!"

Whoa … REALLY? … well thanks for enlightening me, there, Captain Obvious! Thanks be to [insert deity of choice here] that you happened along my path! I shudder to imagine what would have become of me, had you not blessed me with your sage-like tidbits of zombie-survival wisdom!

Okay … I think I’ve more than satisfied my biting sarcasm quota for the day.

Moving on.

So, at this point you are probably wondering “Well, if this guy is not going to offer us any zombie apocalypse survival tips, what is he going to tell us?” (Then again, you may just be wondering why on Earth you ever opened this blog post in the first place, and/or are currently shaking your fist at the heavens for cursing you with such a cruel fate as this ... either one)

Very well, dear readers. I will stop punishing you with what appears to have become an increasingly obvious testament to my rampant ADHD.

I shall tell you of the awesome for which thou art all in store! Verily!

What I bring you …. IS …


That’s right! You will now be able to say to others, “I’m going to survive Z-day by NOT doing stuff.” While all your friends are still running around, tiring themsleves out & lookin’ like fools … because they’re doin’ stuff.

While everyone else is telling you to do "this thing" or "that stuff" for this year’s Zombie Awareness Month, I am going to ask quite the opposite of you …

I want you to NOT do stuff.

You can start by NOT doing ANY of the below listed training and preparation methods, all of which have been tried and tested (and epically failed) by our tester team, comprised primarily of expert, Darwin-Award-winning, amateur zombie survival enthusiasts from across the globe:

1. Throwing a rock at a hive of Africanized bees and then running like hell is NOT a recommended method of training for the Zombie Apocalypse

2. Chasing stray cats around your neighborhood with a tennis racket at 2:00 in the morning is NOT a recommended training method for the Zombie Apocalypse

3. Jumping into the lion pit at the Zoo & trying to avoid being eaten is NOT a recommended training method for the Zombie Apocalypse

4. Chasing chickens with a cricket bat through the darkest alleys of the New Orleans French Quarter is NOT a recommended training method for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

5. Eating nothing but SPAM and Sardines for a month is NOT a recommended training method for the Zombie Apocalypse

6. Backpacking from Detroit to Flint, Michigan is NOT a recommended training method for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

7. Kicking over the line of custom Harleys that are parked in front of the local Biker Bar, then throwing up both middle fingers while screaming "Honda FOREVER!" & immediately running for your life is NOT a recommended training method for the Zombie Apocalypse

8. Putting landmines in your backyard is NOT a recommended preparatory measure for the Zombie Apocalypse (that poor puppy)

9. Preemptively lining the perimeter of your front yard with razor wire and a 40000 lumens motion detecting floodlight may violate several of your neighborhood’s Home Owner Association policies (unless you live in a warzone, you should probably just assume that it does ... so do NOT do this ... yet)

10. Do NOT destroy the staircase BEFORE you and your supplies are UPSTAIRS. (and, besides, what happens when you need to get down? It's not like you can live up there forever!)

And there you have it folks!

So, when/if someone asks you: “What are you doing for this year’s Zombie Awareness Month?”

You can reply with, “Well, I’ll tell you what I’m NOT doing.”


Now get out there and stop doing stuff!
(FYI … the “Aim for the head” rule still stands)

The Problem of Forced Exorcisms Pt II (cont)

Nigerian "Child Witches"

Here is a link to an article that further discusses the horrific crimes against children that are currently being committed in Nigeria, mentioned in my previous post:

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Problem of Forced Exorcisms, Part II

Suffer the Children.

This is Part II in the continuation of my look into the global problem of forced exorcisms.

"Love the whole world as a mother loves her only child."--Lord Buddha

"If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children."--Mohandas Ghandi

"Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God."--Jesus the Christ

"Truly wonderful, the mind of a child."--Yoda

Back in August, I came across a news story out of India that caught my attention (the incident had occurred in July, just to be clear). According to the article, a translation of an original article published by The Press Trust of India, a five-year-old little girl had been hacked to death and beheaded by two male relatives, and her body dumped without so much as a prayer or a single shed tear. I have a little girl around the same age as the girl in this article, so the fact of her murder alone was enough to make my heart sink into my stomach.

However, I forced myself to read on ... and was further saddened when I learned of their reasons for committing this heinous act. They claimed to have killed the little girl under the advisement of a religious figure, who claimed the child was demon possessed and the source of all the family’s hardships. The only solution, according to this so-called “man of God” … make a human sacrifice of the little girl.

I swear that I felt something break inside of me when I read that part. Of course, I would dismiss anyone, man or woman, as being "of God" the moment they endorsed human sacrifice, ESPECIALLY of a CHILD!

Sadly enough, this story is indicative of a frightening trend in several parts of the globe.

The trend? Children being used as supernatural scapegoats—ultimately leading to them being tortured, exiled, murdered, and abandoned.

In Nigeria, the problem of belief in demon possessed or “child witches” causing hardships has become so ridiculously widespread that shelters have had to be created for the increasing number of children who have been attacked, cast out, or abandoned by their parents and/or villages. Can you imagine being nearly killed by the very same people upon whom you rely for love and survival?

And, of course, there are special “exorcists” all over Nigeria, most of them self-proclaimed and improperly trained, if trained at all … and, of course, these charlatans are more than happy to perform ritual exorcisms … if the price is right. When the family or village runs out of money, the “exorcist” packs up and moves on to the next group of suckers … usually claiming that the child is so seriously possessed that the demon will not leave. This leaves the family and/or villagers believing that their only option is to kill or exile the child in order to remove this fabricated evil from their presence.

I just don’t get it.

I have always believed that children are supposed to represent innocence, potential, and the embodiment of all our hopes for the future. How has this been so drastically reversed in certain parts of the world?

Why are people blaming children for the “sins of their fathers”?

I am interested to hear your opinions on this.

Friday, April 29, 2011

The Rape of Lilith Prezi

Mainly just testing ... but also wanted to make this available. This is the Prezi (presentation) I used for my Lilith Lecture at the PRS's Field Trip 11 in New Orleans, LA on March 26th 2011. Enjoy.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Something I am Working On

Have this new idea I've been working on. I'm not sure if it will turn out to be a short story, novelLa, or what ... I don't even know what I'm going to call it just yet (though I am toying with something like "Life and Limb") ... right now I am just enjoying writing it. It's been awhile since I've had enough breathing room to write fiction, and I have really been missing it.

I don't really want to give away any big spoilers, as far as what the focus of the whole story is all about. However, I should probably share the fact that the entire story is going to be written as though it was being verbally dictated to a voice recognition device.

I thought I would share the first page or so with you guys and see what some of you think. So, here you go (comments and/or criticisms are entirely welcome ... good or bad ... as long as they are constructive):

25 MAY 2065
 DATE: 1 APRIL 2065


Start from the beginning? What kind of prompt is that? [sigh] Fine… let’s just get this over with.

I would have to say it all started on the day that I first signed that [message redacted] contract and joined this piece of [message redacted] army.

Hey! That’s not what I said! What the hell do you mean “message redacted”? What the [message redacted] good are you if you won’t even write what I say, you piece of [message redacted] [message redacted] machine?

Dammit! Stop that you [message redacted] [message redacted] [message redacted] piece of [message redacted] machine! I swear to [removed for religious content] I will tear out your circuits with my [message redacted] teeth.

Wait … what? “Religious content”? Are you serious? Since when does blasphemy count as … [sighing] … you know what? Never mind. You are [correct].

Fudge! I didn’t say correct! Wait … Oh, so apparently you’ll let me say “fudge”? Have it your way. You intel pukes wanna be a pain in my [hind quarters] … then I will be a pain in yours for sending me this fudging machine that won’t even write what I fudging say, you bunch of fudging pencil pushing mother fudgers.

You want me to start from the beginning? Fine. You asked for it.

I was born in Augusta, Georgia … as everyone knows, Georgia is little more than a 27000 square mile bug nest these days. I saw it with my own eyes, during my first year of combat duty. I could hardly believe that once upon a time I’d actually lived in that place … like I said, I lived there and even I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that that hellhole was actually inhabitable only a decade ago. Not now. We spent 6 months trying to take it back, block by block, and all we managed to do was wall up enough room for an ops base. More than half of the guys who’d gone through EXO-training with me never made it out. Makes a guy wonder, you know? How’d I get out? Why did the seals in my suit hold, keeping me bug free long enough for that [message redacted] of a lieutenant to finally give us the fallback order from his cushy and safe little aerial command post? Damn, the ground in that place was alive with those damn Junies. Probably still is… hell if I know.

Oh, so apparently “damn” and “hell” are acceptable words … good to know. That “message redacted” bull [message redacted] is getting on my nerves.

Back then, though, my mother [dictation stopped due to irrelevant content]

Why you little [message redacted]! That’s it! I told you I’d rip out your wires with my teeth, you good for nothing piece of

[dictation ended]